October 14, 2009
I was also down at ground zero today, with my "I regret my abortion" sign. I put on many layers of sweaters, but I always feel the cold down in front of the place where countless, beautiful, babies are being horrifically tortured from Wednesday to Friday every week, (maybe they perform these murders at other times the average Joe is not aware of), which would not surprise me, since everything around the slaughter, mutilation, and profiting of childrens' organs, all comes from a place of great deception and twisting of God's Truth.
And the devil smiles a broader smile has he has now manged to destroy the mother's life too and others involved that is once they have this temporary cloak of darkness removed, and they see the light of Truth, and the devil laughs,- gotcha!!!. The only thing is he doesn 't win this battle either, because the babies are being held in the arms of their real Father God, until redemption takes place and we are made right with God when we surrender to him, repent and ask for forgiveness and Mercy. He waits and wants so much for us to be whole in Him and with Him in Love Happiness and True Fulfillment in our lives. That happens we we follow Him and do His Will, not ours.
I was drained as usual from being in the heart of darkness for only an hour and a half, and it is only God and my prayers to My Father, Son Jesus, and Holy Spirit that sustain me. It is only because of His Mercy that I can handle the sorrow and reality of the fact that I decided to be complicit in the murder of my own child.
AND, it is only by God's Grace I can try to reach out to others about the Truth concerning the murder of the Most Blessed Innocent, and the consequences, not only for the murderers, but all of mankind.
I felt such sorrow and compassion for the woman who wrote in to give the Morgantaler mill her thumbs up for "taking care" of her. I only gasped at the irony of that statement, and the "kind" nurse who allowed her to look at - her - as of then- still intact, beautiful child in her womb, before the child was ripped apart and tortured.
Dear fellow friend who fell for the lie, fetus (means little child), and your little child was capable of knowing the horrific doom that was coming to her/him, before she?he was slaughtered in the most inhumane way, worse than what most animals go through. Your child could hear her life was about to be end before he/ she had the chance to enter the world. Your child had the most fundamental right of all robbed from him/her,-the Right to Life- that every human being has bestowed on them when they are conceived.
To the lost souls out there... Here is The Truth...not "my truth" THE TRUTH, the Whole Truth and Nothing buy the TRUTH.
This is my story:
I became involved sexually at a young age to validate my identity, because coming from a home of great abuse, I hated myself and wanted to try to receive love and acceptance. I got an i.u.d. contraceptive device which failed and I became pregnant with a man I hardly knew, whom I had met at a bar. I was terrified and devastated as my drinking had progressed to deal with my self loathing and I was full of fear, anticipation about how I would or could have a child, (my drinking would have to be reckoned with), and not to mention I may have given my child fetal alcohol syndrome. It never occured to my self-centred life that a child born with some trial that can be overcome at least would be alive...no the great pride of control spoke and the world said "I am Woman" "I have RIGHTS". Actually, I never like that song or followed that route, but I still felt I had to rid myself of my child because I was full of fear of the unknown, and did not listen to the good part of me, that loved it when I felt my child's kick, and marvelled that I could out my hand on my abdomen and fell my child's heart beat.
No... I had known all my life to listen ,and pay heed to the voice of darkness, the voice of the accuser, the voice of death. I did nor know then that I would later die spiritually, emotionally, mentally and almost physically from the anguish my action of May, 1984 brought me.
You see, the child you were carrying was not only a gift from her real Father-God to you because He entrusted her to you, (that means He knew you COULD, if you had researched the means and taken advantage of the help the sidewalk counsellors were offering to you and your child out of love for both of you, as well as other resources, who are only too willing to help the child live, and for you to be free of what you obviously are not aware of at this point, (although, I know denial is the strongest defense we have from facing the horrific
reality of our actions, and consequences), but my dear child there will be. The symptoms of post abortion are now well documented and are similar to post traumatic syndrome. The symptoms manifest themselves in many ways -anger, depression, suicide, inability to form relationships, low self-esteem, inabilty to work or workaholism, alcoholism, addictions to food, and drugs, promiscuous behavior, allowing oneself to be abused in dysfunctional ways, and with dysfunctional people.
Back to my story.
I arranged with the help of three doctors to get the abortion. I remember being surprised how easy it was, and that it should not be that easy. My boyfriend with whom I was living with (not the Father of the child), dropped me off at the Civic Hospital, and went off to play golf (I lied to him about the child being his - as my the web of lies grew larger).
I remember little of the abortion as a lot has been blacked out because of the very horrible nature of it all, but I do remember after when the nurse told me to use the bathroom to try to make sure there was no noticeable part of my dead child left in me that had to come out.
It was horrific, similar to the worst nightmare, but it was REAL, and I couldn't shake it, nor could I get my head around it. "You can't undo this!", my heart cried out in my new self-inflicted prison of death. This is NOT something that will just getter better in time...and it didn't.
I felt as if I was going down deeper and deeper into a pit of hell, I did not think imaginable, regarding my feelings, and I drank more and more to try to ease the fact I felt like a hollow zombie, and could not sleep and certainly could find no peace. I heard the angry condemning voices in my head again, (Now You Have Really Done It!!! It does not get any worse than this, You have taken the life of your own baby!"
I felt different in a way, hard to describe, a vital part of me was gone. I DID NOT feel "relieved" that the "burden" of my baby was gone, or my "tummy" was "nice and flat" again, (as they told me trying to justify my choice to kill my child that they would make money from and that yes they would eventually also suffer for and pay their consequences for in their own souls decisions.)
My life became progressively worse with unbelievable guilt, shame and drinking to attempt to obliterate the pain. I could not hold relationships, work, or even seek help - the right kind from God and His Mercy. I felt so undeserving and came to the point that the only way I felt I could end the pain and not just be a burden to the rest of society and take up space was to kill myself.
I took a huge overdose of pills - so much so that it would have killed a horse in no time. I drank a lot of vodka. I used to smoke cigarettes, back then, so while I was trying to light a cigarette , I think (because God has removed a lot of my burn horror and tragedy through healing in soaking in prayer). My hair caught fire, and I woke up 10 days later in ICU. with 4th, 3rd and 2nd degree burns on 45% of my body. My face had been spared. I had prayed to God that night to have mercy on my soul and cried out to Him to help me because I did not really want to die. I prayed a Novena Prayer to St. Jude - Patron Saint of the Hopeless. I certainly had felt hopeless. Before I used to let hope sustain me, but after the abortion it seemed to vanish, until my recovery began when I cried out to God to have Mercy on me.
I surrendered to Jesus and received His undying forgiveness. I had my Mother's Rosary (She had died the previous May), and I prayed to get better to work with burnt children (which I do...as children who have undergone one of the types of abortions are burnt first with a saline solution. I sobbed non-stop later when I realized what I had put my child through as I had a late term abortion, and that type of abortion involves saline. ALL abortion procedures wreak horrific torture on the child as the child screams silently and tries to move away as best as they can from the womb of their own Mother that has been transformed on to some cold tomb where they will die and no one will hear their screams. ) God hears and so does Blessed Mother Mary, and their is sobbing in Heaven, and on earth from the Faithful and those who live in the Truth.
We ARE our Brothers's keeper. God asked Cain "Where is your Brother Abel?" and we know what Cain's response was. Let ours not be the same.
I confessed the sin of abortion with a Priest of my Roman Catholic Faith, the Faith of my Childhood. Like the Prodigal Son, I was now home in the Loving, Merciful, Arms of Jesus and protected by my Blessed Beautiful and warm Virgin, Mother Mary of God and with Host of Angels and Saints proclaiming Glorry, Glory, Glory, to the Most HIgh!!! What Joy to be finally at home!!! My heart danced, cause now I knew I had the Truth and could live for what is all there is to live for , doing God's Will.
One recent step in my Healing was watching the graphic video of an abortion being performed, and between my tears, I almost threw up gasping as I saw the savage dismembering of the tiny infant's body and being removed and their skull crushed, and massacred. I have never seen such horror. I could only watch it with the realization that I had been complicit it in my child's death because I had owned my action, begged for God's Mercy and received His Forgiveness and Grace. There will always be sorrow (as there should be when we commit an act of murder and take away another;s life), if one has any conscience, that is, but that sorrow is tempered in the Joy of God's Love and Mercy and His Compassion. He asks only that I repent and try to share the Truth about my act so as to save lives and certainly to hopefully save others from making the worst step they can ever make if they are they are contemplating killing their own child.
Truth seeks out the soul. One either faces it here on earth or later in the next world but we will be held accountable for the choices we made. Do Not Be Deceived!!!
We must see abortion to end it. We must see what we are doing to the most vulnerable and innocent of mankind and we MUST SPEAK UP LOUD AND CLEAR TO END IT!!!, not be silent amidst the holocaust.
We must pray , and pray and pray countess Rosaries, and Prayers to the very Heart of God. He Will End it.
In the meantime we pray for All involved and all deceived that they may be Blessed and come into God's Truth and Ocean of Mercy and Forgiveness when they repent.
I have been ministered to God in a truly miraculous way, and as He continues to pour out His Gentle, Abundant, Loving Spirit to me, I say YES to LIFE!!! Won't You?
Rachel's Vineyard is the most magnificent place of healing for those traumatized by abortion or who have been affected by it, (and we all have...) but I mean close family members.
My Husband and I were Blessed to be able to go to a Rachel's Vineyard Retreat, and receive the final chapter of acknowledging our children, writing to them, experiencing them and all under a sage umbrella thick with God's Grace. I highly recommend Rachel's Vineyard, and thank profusely ALL my friends for aiding me find the Truth,and especially for my new friends in Campaign Life, and all my friends in Christ who work for the highest priority in God's Life and that is speaking up for All His Creation.
God Bless You,
Be grateful your Mother chose Life.
Frances W.